Monday, February 15, 2016

STUPID SIMPLE



Living in the political corruption/murder capital of the world can provide you with many life skills as well as some pretty interesting stories. The one thing that it surely does not provide is "reclaimed wood".
 Oh, you can find it here, but the ass clown trying to sell it to you is obviously basing his prices off what gold is trading for in the stock market.
 Sometimes we have to travel outside of the concrete jungle to find a good ol' country boy who will sell us some material for a fair price.
 They are tearing down an old factory right next door to our shop. Me and Zack walked over as they were getting ready to take the first chunk down. I asked the demolition guy if I could BUY some of the old wood out of there, and the gentleman informed me that the owner was keeping it.
 Ok, cool, the owner wants to keep it...smart man, but everyday I'm forced to watch them bulldoze through this building like the fucking Kool-Aid man!
 They're not saving anything. 100 years of perfectly aged timbers and rough sawn wood is being rendered completely useless, and it's happening right in front of my face...daily.
 Regardless, we found some wood.
I had posted a photo of this piece on the Breclaimed facebook page, and some jerk off made a comment of "stupid simple".
Really? "stupid simple"?
 Clearly, Mr. Comment man has yet to actually MAKE such a "stupid simple" piece.
I pulled a Jay and Silent Bob and took a gander at all the wonderful things that they have created with their own 2 hands, of which I found none. What I did see is a lot of photos of people sitting on motorcycles that they did not build nor own.
 So, without further ado.... (trust me, I googled "ado vs. adieu")
Here's a step by step list of just how fucking "stupid simple" this is.
1. source your material
2. rent a U Haul trailer and drive to bumfuck Egypt to purchase your wood
3. unload your frozen wood into your shop
4. return your U Haul trailer
5. separate your lumber into a usable and non-usable pile
6. separate each board with blocks and allow to dry
7. while wood is drying, weld your base out of 1.5"X3/16 steel square tube
8. once your base is welded and your wood is dry, select your boards
9. wire brush all of your boards to remove all the gross shit stuck to them
10.  proceed to de-nail each board
11. cut each board to length
12. rip down each board to create an edge for joining
13. rough sand each board with 50 grit before joining
14. join your selected boards
15. while your fucking glue is drying, use the cut offs to make your drawer boxes
16. mortise the bottoms of the sides and back of your drawer boxes to receive your drawer bottom that you are going to cut out of 3/16's sheet metal
17. cut your sheet metal
18. attach your steel drawer bottom
19. fabricate and weld your drawer box brackets
20. mount your drawer boxes
21. proceed to shape and sand your wood top with 50 grit, then 80 grit, then go ahead and jump right up to 220 grit
22. make steel gussets and install on bottom side of your top
23. make drawer fronts for your drawer boxes
24. now go ahead and sand the shit out of your completed drawer boxers using the above mentioned succession
25. install tip tray hinges for your drawer fronts
26. mortise in locks on both drawer fronts
27. mortise your lock catch into your fucking 3/16 thick STEEL frame
28. install your top
29. install your tempered glass shelf
30. remove glass shelf
31. apply oil base polyurethane to the top and completed drawers
32. when first coat is dry, sand all that shit AGAIN with 220 grit
33. apply 2nd coat of polyurethane
34. re-install tempered glass shelf
There ya go...DONE
Stupid simple.
Fuck face.
 It's "simple" to SAY something is "simple".
Executing a thought, idea, or concept is what defines you.
 Those thoughts, ideas, and concepts mean jack shit until you execute, and once someone can muster up the balls to follow through, then and only then can you tell me how "stupid simple" it was.

1 comment:

  1. Today there is a wealth of knowledge of 'easy' DIY projects via "Pinterest" and "YouTube" so unless they do the work themselves they don't know the hardwork it takes for your pieces. I love your passion and grit in regards to your work.

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